THE BRAIN - A brain tumor in the left hemisphere announced today that according to doctors he has a malignant Ted Kennedy and was expected to be rid of it in at least three months.
"I was pretty shocked when they told me about the Ted Kennedy," said Tumor. "I guess it's been there a while and I just never knew."
Tumor says that Ted Kennedys did not run in his family, and that he was surprised that he developed one.
"My mom says I was always a normal group of cells when I was little," said Tumor. "Then, one day, I just sprouted. I started to extend my roots and realized after a while that I wasn't feeling quite right. I felt heavy and sluggish - like I wanted to have someone killed and then cover it over. They were very strange emotions."
Tumor states that he is not too worried, however. "The doctors say I should overcome this Ted Kennedy real soon," says Tumor. "I'm on some anti-Ted Kennedy drugs and after a while the Ted Kennedy is supposed to slow down and eventually go away all together."
"Tumor is so strong," said Tumor's mother, Mother Tumor. "He's always been a fighter since he was little. We are going to win this. It's hard to see him suffer from this Ted Kennedy, but I'm sure he will overcome it and grow from it. He will grow, and grow, and grow."
Tumor says that once the Ted Kennedy is totally gone, he plans on celebrating by going to Disneyland.
"Ted Kennedys are not something to be taken lightly," said Tumor. "I wouldn't want to wish one on my worst enemy."