In a surprise move, the U.S. Interior Dept has officially declared Libertarians to be an "Endangered Species."
Using the same grounds and logic as when they recently declared that the polar bear is now endangered, The Dept. has declared a temporary moratorium on hunting Libertarians for sport or pleasure. Also, regulations forbidding "overly harsh teasing," have also been drafted, as "it may upset them." explained spokesperson Boisfeuillet Smith.
The Interior Department determined that Libertarians had suffered a loss of habitat because their own Libertarian Party had become corrupted and inhabitable due to its unfathomable support for the drug war, and the Iraq invasion. Apparently, it was ruled that by bringing in Bob Barr as the Libertarian Party Presidential nominee, the party has so blatantly advertised their obvious capitulation to statist influences that the Interior Dept. was forced to act.
Smith explained that Int. Dept. scientists had determined that real libertarians, meaning people who truly believe in self-ownership, and in the limits and requirements in the U.S. Constitution, could not politically "live" in a party filled with so many pro-state apologists - therefore the libertarians have been effectively disempartied and left with no political home. It is regarded as purely a coincidence that this loss of habitat occurred just as many of the Libertarians were out on holiday with the Republican Party in order to vote for Ron Paul.
As usual, no libertarians were asked to comment on this story.