Written by Armedus Chunsky
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Monday, 19 May 2008

image for John McCain: "Negotiating With Terrorists Is Not As Effective As Handing Them Our Weapons."

President Bush commemorated Israel's 60th birthday by launching a political attack on the Democratic presidential candidates.

"Some seem to think that we should negotiate with the terrorists and the radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them that they have been wrong all along," said President Bush. "In actuality, the only thing that will appease the terrorists is cold hard cash."

That's right, the U.S. military has been conducting secret wars, supplying certain militia with arms in order to fight who they see as the bad guy. Troop deaths declined in Iraq after the military began paying off terrorists, who in return stopped firing at U.S. forces. So far, the pay day-to-day strategy is a complete success. The splurge is working.

John McCain argues that giving weapons directly to the Iraqi people will help Iraq reach a constitutional benchmark. "This way the right of the Iraqi people to bare arms will not be infringed upon," continuing. "Billary Clinton and Barack Hussein Osama want to impose gun control laws on the Iraqi people."

"Some people may wonder why we slashed counter terrorism funding in New York City and Washington D.C.," said Senator McCain. "It was partly because the cities had no important landmarks, but there was another equally important reason. The answer, my friends, is simple. We need to spend this money bribing Iraqi militia not to kill American troops."

"If you refuse to fund and arm the terrorists, than you support the terrorists," said President Bush. "If you want to negotiate with them and not just give in to their demands outright, than you might as well vote for Clinton ot Obama. And if you do, the terrorists win."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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