This morning the White House was reported to have been attacked by an army of squirrels. Five thousand of them descended upon the great lawn.
No casualties were reported, although at least twenty tourists and assorted secret service were sent to the hospital with injuries ranging from mild to severe bites.
When questioned the white house representative had only this to say "I am completely and wholly shocked at this recent act of hostility ".
When questioning the squirrel representative, we were forced to retreat to cover when they proceeded to throw acorns and several foul unnamed substances at us.
Several squirrels gave chase and were run down by our news vans. Shortly afterwards crews of automobile descended upon the lawn and made short work of the army.
The president was reported to have remarked that "The furry bastards got what was comin to them".