Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 17 May 2008

image for Hospitalized Ted Kennedy Sees Mary Jo Kopechne's Ghost
The murderer of Chappaquiddick still lives as a free man

Ted Kennedy was airlifted to a Boston hospital after what could possibly have been a stroke (or another bump on the head after being falling down drunk again). While being treated by a trauma team in the emergency room, the Massachusetts Senator was heard to yell "I see you, Mary Jo. I still don't know what happened to your panties."

Experts believe that the comments refer to the famous incident in 1969, where Kennedy drove his car off of a bridge at Chappaquiddick Island. His passenger, an employee from his brother's campaign named Mary Jo Kopechne, drowned in the accident. Kennedy left the scene, went back to his hotel, and did not inform police of the accident until after the car and body had been discovered by others.

Kennedy served no jail time for the murder and was never impeached from the United States Senate. Each of his bids for election for national office outside of his home state were totally unsuccessful.

Nurses tried to calm the Senator and told him that there was no one else in the room. He insisted, however, that "Mary Jo is coming to get me! She's mad because we didn't use condoms and I wouldn't share my scotch!"

One nurse spoke only under conditions of remaining anonymous. She said that Kennedy insisted that garlic, crosses, and wolfsbane be brought into his room to "keep that devil woman away from me."

She also said that Kennedy was heard to mutter "I've stayed drunk for almost 40 years to keep you out of my mind, and you weren't that good of a lay anyway."

No official word was given when the Senator will be released from the hospital and why he is currently in the detox unit.

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