(Philadelphia PA) Police report a man was found drowned in a bidet at the Four Seasons Hotel today. The man was indentified as Mr. Fish, 97, from the Fishtown section of Philadelphia. The elderly gentleman apparently thought the bidet was a type of water fountain. No foul play is suspected at this time.
Police Detective Ro Cavier is investigating the bizarre accident and spoke with TheSpoof.com.
"Mr. Fish called Room Service several times after checking in." said the detective. "He first wanted to know why Housekeeping forgot the 'shithouse' paper. Some toilet paper was supplied to him. He next wanted to tell us it looked like his toilet 'just had a baby'!
"He was 97 and grew up using outhouses.
"On his third and final call he told Room Service to 'save their water and take water off his bill' because he found a water fountain. He was very confused."
Mr. Fish was found crouched down with his head in the bidet. It looked like he was trying to get a drink. A police pathologist concluded that the water squirted into his lungs and he drowned.
"Poor Mr. Fish!" said Detective Caviar. "It's one of the most peculiar deaths I've ever investigated!"