Belle Aire - The golf world condemned George Bush's claim that he gave up golf to help our troops in Iraq.
"If he stops golfing, the terrorists win," said a spokesman. "Bush should play more golf, not less, to show the world that when he gets into the rough, it's not a wedge issue. America needs more mashnie niblicks, not less!"
A White House caddie explained, "Bush says that a fatal bombing in Iraq made someone pull him off the course, and after that it just wasn't worth golfing anymore. If he has to interrupt his game everytime someone gets killed in Iraq, it takes all the fun out of it, especially since there's a one-stroke penalty."
A source close to the president, speaking on condition of anonymity, hinted at a deeper purpose. "Bush says he quit golfing on August 19, 2003; but on October 13, 2003 he was photographed hitting balls around a course with friends. Has he actually quit golf? Or has he gone to a stealth golf program, the better to confuse our enemies?"
Meanwhile, the Pentagon announced its addressing the golf crisis by turning Iraq into one large golf course. "Iraq started out with the largest sand trap ever!" enthused a spokesman. "Then we put thousands of holes in every nearly building, road and field. More are added every day. And water hazards? After ten years of sanctions, the entire water supply was one big hazard. If you lose your balls in Iraq, they're really lost!"
Republican presidential candidate John Sidney McCain III commented, "It's perfectly safe to go golfing in Iraq. I'd like to play there for another hundred years."