After just five days of marriage, the union of President Bush's daughter, Jenna, and 30-year old Henry Chase Hager, has ended.
Reached for comment, Henry was busy packing his belongings into a rented van, a trail of Playboy magazines and Metalica CD's falling out behind him. He looked terrible; messy hair, bare feet, and a Britney Spears t-shirt a stark contrast from his usual business attire.
"Lemme outta here! I gots to get aways! Me gotta go away from bad peoples!" he was rambling, as he tried to fit his motorcycle into a Federal Express envelope.
When pressed for details, Henry replied, "Me married into dumb family! Brain cells lost! Bad dumb people contaminated Henry! Henry go away and get divorcized so Henry can be smart again!"
His mother-in-law, Laura, stood nearby, grinning like a stepford wife, telling her son-in-law in a creepy monotone voice, "Don't leave, y'all. Stay here, Henry. You're one of us now."
Hager screamed out in terror, and ended up pushing his van away from the Bush ranch, the latest in a long line of people unknowingly sapped of their intelligence when in the presence of the Bush family.