Written by W.D. Nelson
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Monday, 12 May 2008

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The Late Raccoon Catters

Kaystump, Kentucky - Raccoon Catters, who admits to being around 80 years old, he thinks, has admitted he has never read a newspaper or watched any news on television.

When asked if there was a reason for this, Mr. Catters said that if he sticks his head out of his small wooden shack in Kaystump, sniffs the air, looks at the sky and feels the ground, what more news does he need?

Mr. Catters had no idea what an Atom Bomb, Nuclear Warhead, The Stock Market, the Euro, walking on the moon, Woodstock, Watergate, John F. Kennedy, the Cuban Blockade, or either of the Presidents Bush was. He also had no idea what World War II was or the Korean War or Vietnam, Desert Storm or the present Iraqi War.

"What's all that junk got to do with me? I'll tell ya one thing; I knew you was commin' up here to my cabin hours ago. Didn't know who you was, still don't know who you is, but I was ready," as he held up a rusty Civil War single shot rifle to prove his claim.

Some Social Psychiatrists who measure the pressure put on everyday people who are being bombarded by 24/7 news, said that "Mr. Catters is probably the happiest, most comfortable and peaceful person in the country".

Unfortunately, Mr. Catters suffered a deadly heart attack as the interviewer was in the middle of the interview. Doctors are ascribing this incident was due to his diet of fat and the lack of nutrients in his body.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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