In a shock move, George H. Bush announced that millions of books and newspapers were going to be burnt across America today, to root out what he called 'socialism and democracy and fairness.'
Speaking on state-owned CNN news, he said:'OK, the Republicans had taken over the TV news decades ago, but we discovered that Americans were not actually believing much of its ridiculous propaganda, and were reading papers and books instead. Something had to be done, and we're doing it today. Over to you, son', and his glove puppet son, sitting on his knee, said: 'Heck, books and papers even made that Senator popular, you know, that guy with the funny name and big teeth - yeah, Arnold Schwarzenegger.'
CNN manager, Joseph Goebbels, added this: 'Anything you say, Mister Bush, can I go now?', and human right campaigner, Archbishop Jesse Jackson, said: 'Hey, the Nazis had a few good ideas, maybe the Democrats should copy them, nice one George!'
Speaking, from her New York City ranch, Senator Hillary Maidenname said: 'I wrote 'Gone With The Wind' when I was 17, and was the first woman to climb Mount Everest. Burn, baby, burn!', and Pope Ratzinger XIII, speaking from his bunker in Rome, said: 'As long as you burn all that Protestant nonsense, good luck to you, whatever your name is, Mr. President, at least my election was fair!'
From his ham acting class in London, ex-Prime Minister of Somewhere Tony Blair said: 'Make sure you burn all of Cherie's books will you? They're so bad I've started reading the Daily Mail.'
John Prescott is on a diet.