Finally a solution to stop the "TERRIS" crisis plaguing the United States. According to the guy that lives behind the rubbish bins, out back down the pub, Headsonpikes Inc. is running a contest offering a free trip to an underground, nuclear-proof bunker to whoever invents the best solution to the illegal immigration (demandingly, egregiously, feloniously, in-your-face, here without knowing a lick of english) problem.
The best idea so far has been from Headsonpikes founder who came up with completely shutting down the Mainstream Corporate/Government-Controlled Media (i.e. Faux News) that concocts all the false alarms and panic inducing brainwashing "SPIN" (read, LIES) and kick out the liars on The Hill and parade their heads on pikes. But employees and owners are ineligible to enter the contest and Americans are way too dead-from-the-neck-up-frog-in-hot-water to realize what's happening and too complacent and blissfully idiotic for it to hit them like a ton of bricks that they are being lied to and about to be rounded up and put on trains bound for FEMA camps (which they probably deserve).
The second best solution so far is from the Federal Aviation Administration. The FAA will soon be building airports at all border towns and illegal alien border crossing points. All in all this will consist of around 175-200 airports. The unfathomably ignorant and criminally insane people running the US government leave the borders wide open and rely solely on the TSA (Transportation Security Administration - the idiots making you take your shoes off because they think there is someone in the world with a nookyaler boom in their shoe for fuc*k's sake ) and airline flight attendants to catch terrorists. You know - in case of the insanely rare chance that one might drop by for a ride on an airplane.
NOOKYALER TERRIS expert, Jorge Dildoble Yew insisted, "There are a couple hundred airports with TSA personnel so that's a ton of really creepy evil people to deter anyone from coming in here illegally. Anyone who has ever been to an airport in the U.S. knows that if the first thing they come in contact with is a bunch of jackbooted thugs like the TSA, they would turn right around and run."