Crawford, Texas - (Nuptial Mess): A huge cavity has appeared at the Predator Chapel Ranch home of President Bush two days ahead of daughter Jenna's wedding to Henry 'Hagar the Horrible' Hagar.
The sinkhole swallowed up one hundred canvas marquees, two hundred chairs, a makeshift dancefloor, one thousand bottles of Mexican 'champagne', a garden shed full of crack smoking pipes...er, full of barbecue equipment, a newly planted herbaceous border, two Hummers, a secret service agent and the groom's carefully secreted bong.
Bush hurriedly ordered five hundred tonnes of ready mixed concrete to deal with the situation after all hope of rescue faded.
A convoy of construction trucks is working through the night to help restore the massive hole which locals have christened Jenna's Birth Canal.
FBI agents meanwhile have expressed concern that the sinkhole was caused by a collapsed subterranean tunnel that connects the Bush family ranch with Warren Jeffs' Yearn For Zion polygamy concentration camp at nearby Eldorado.
Marvin Bush is high as a kite.