Written by Hung Liikdahorzen
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Topics: George W. Bush

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

image for Bush Offers Advice To Dem. Hopefuls
President Bush proud to figure out conference call button.

Washington, DC - President Bush made a rare across-the-aisle gesture to the Democratic hopefuls Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton via conference call, offering advice on campaigning, and the duties of the President.Many details of the call are not available, due to the sensitive nature of the subject matter, but we were able to glean a few quotes.

On the subject of winning an election, the President advised the candidates to "Make Daddy tell Jeb to play nice! He can have his turn later!" Also, Pres. Bush said it can never hurt to run against Al Gore. "He's like the sparrifiying partner they used to give Mike Tyson."

Also, the President had a few points of Foriegn Policy advice for the dueling Dems.

On the subject of the War on Terror he gave the following;

"The people over there want to kill us, and we don't want to die. Therefore, the best way to handle this is to send other people over there to die for you. That way, you stay nice and safe. Besides, Daddy said dyin' hurts."

"Our country needs oil more than it needs Caribou. If we drill it all now, we'll have enough to last us until everyone has a flyin' car like Cheney does."

"Sometimes, you gotta take the hard line against two-bit dictators and nations. Even if these guys might have gas weapons, or bad germs, ya just gotta do what's right. That's why I went after Saddam, 'cause we got gas masks. His ketchup gas, or whatever, ain't gonna hurt us. But not N. Korea, they got Nukes."

And finally...

"The most important thing about foriegn policy is to stand up for the little guy. If you got a big developed nation with a huge Military going after a Third World nation for no reason, maybe trying just to loot thier resources and stuff, you gotta make a stand. The worst thing for the World Economalagragy is to let one of it's wealthiest Nations to destroy it's money stability and resource-stuff to wage a war for no reason. So, whatever you do, always keep that in mind, and never allow unreasonable and unchecked aggresification to go on unchecked."

Sen. Obama was unavailable for comment, but Sen. Clinton was quoted as saying of the call "That's what that long-ass voicemail was? Hell, I just erased it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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