President George W. Bush today announced a series of hard-hitting measures to 'defeat the forces of wind that threaten this country.' The measures include complete access to all data on any citizens computer without a warrant, the right to perform water-boarding on any citizen without a warrant and the right to censor all television news broadcasts (except the state-run Fox News).
'We have seen the damage Cyclones have done in other parts of the world and we must be vigilant to the dangers it poses on our shores. Without these security measures we will be at risk from all manner of wind-related terrorism. Those that disagree do not obviously share the same patriotic love of America that I do.' said Herr President.
Survivors of Hurricane Katrina could not be reached for comment as they still have no phones or internet access. The war in Iraq continues.