In a surprising move, President George W. Bush today announced he was standing for a third term in the forthcoming elections.
A White House spokesman said: 'Mr. Bush will be standing for re-election, the laws to allow this will be rushed through the Senate and Congress, as soon as we can afford the legal fees and the masonic handshakes.'
Thousands of Americans spontaneously left their homes and places of work to rejoice on the streets, many with tears in their eyes at such great news, and a Mrs. Eva Braun said this: 'Until Mr. Bush came to power, America had become a worldwide joke. Our soldiers kept going to die pointlessly in Third World countries, losing wars against places that even Third World countries wouldn't lose to, but Mr. Bush has made America mighty again!'
A Mr. Albert Eisenstein said: 'Before Bush was elected, we wasted most of our taxes on trillion-dollar defence spending against imaginary enemies, and sent the rest to Israel, so they could use Palestinian ghetto children as target practice, with the jets and tanks we sent them. Dubya changed all that, and made the world respect America again!'
Senator Obama Barack, Democrat hopeful in the election, said: 'Woo hoo! Now I know I have a chance to win! As long as I can beat that dreadful Clinton woman.'
And from the house that a New York senator traditionally lives in, in Arkansas, Mrs. Rodham-Clinton-Rodham-Clinton the Third said: 'Oh shoot! I've done everything I can do to lose, and now if I beat that Obama Osmond I'll be the next president! How could you do this to me, Bill?'
When questioned about George Bush's plans, Republican John McCain said: 'Who is George Bush?' 125,000 dead Iraqi civilians were unavailable for comment.