Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 4 May 2008

image for Democrats Hire Trading Spaces Crew to Decorate White House
Socks, a White House lawn pet, expresses outrage at the news

Democratic Presidential Hillary Clinton has already begun making plans for her occupation of the White House, long before even receiving her party's nomination for the presidency or the general election.

Using the staff of the television show Trading Spaces to help with the new design of the Presidential mansion, Clinton begin ripping out carpet, trim, molding, and chair rail from the entire second floor.

Hildi, one of the design team, said that "Hillary wasn't sure whether to put Bill in the backyard in Barney's old doghouse (where Bill is used to being anyway) or in Sock's cathouse (where Bill is used to being anyway). In the end, she went with the cathouse."

"I'm using a design where we glue Scoop-Away cat litter on the walls as accoustic material. This will draw the attention from the pictures of Monica and old KFC chicken buckets to the HRC monograms every eighteen inches on the chair rail."

"The Oval Office will be turned into a throne room, complete with kneeling benches from an old Catholic church, a rack, and an American Red Cross blood donor's chair for Bill's weekly AIDS test and the receiving of alms from a blood sucked populace."

"The Lincoln Bedroom will include a proctologist's chair, so that Hillary can ensure that the American people are taking it up the ass from her administration."

"The Cabinet Room will move the president from their normal position at the center of a table to a raised dias at the east end, so that worshippers can pray in reverence to their leader."

Socks, a wild White House cat that has lived on the South Lawn since the days of the Bill Clinton administration, is not pleased. "I'm giving up my home to that drunken, lecherous, tomcat? I guess that with her in office, I won't be the main pussy in the White House anymore."

Hildi added that "I understand Doug Wilson is working with the Obama team. They are planning on replacing the Rose Garden with a watermelon patch and putting a sign that says Barack's Crib on the front of the building. I really hope that people like our design best and that they don't win."

No design plans have been heard from the John McCain team. Campaign spokesmen said that they are more worried about sterilizing the place than design at this time, due to sixteen years of occupation by Bill (and Monica) and the Bush twins. They have scheduled a Hazmat team from the Center for Disease Control to fumagate the building on inauguration day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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