Denver, CO. - In a stunning victory, Barack Obama carried the Democratic Party Nomination in what many are saying was the winiest campaign to date.
Going into the Convention, Hillary seemed the sure nominee, but Special Forces freed Sen. Obama's testicles from Michelle's purse in time for him to address the delegates and his powerful, remarkable words led even a cold-hearted, gun lovin' Conservative like your humble author realize the importance of hope, and what it stands for. For example, I hope a new pair of boots arrives soon, because the bull puckey in Denver is getting awfully deep
His acceptance address was made all the better when Rev'd Jeremiah Left, Obama's (until a suspiciously short time ago) Mentor, pastor, and spiritual adviser Informed the Convention that it was not excused for the guilt of Slavery, segregation, or owning stock in Tommy Hilfiger.
"Your Great-Grandaddy wouldn't let colored folks in the big house back in the Day. Now we gonna get the keys to the biggest house in the land,"Reverend Left said. But thanks to his many outspoken and controversial sermons, the Obama Campaign learned to just give him a dummy microphone, and he was only heard by the attendant outside of the bathroom stall he mistakenly took to be a broadcast booth.
In a brief interview with Former President Bill Clinton, he had the following remark. "Hillary was obviously elated for Sen. Osama- Oops, did I say that?
Well you know what the heck his name is, anyway.
As for Hillary and I, aw hell, who am I kidding? We only stayed together this long to get my little Hill-raiser elected. And she only wanted the job so she could press the big red button once, you know, nothing important, maybe target somewhere nobody cares about, like Tuvalu.
But there's a long-standing tradition at the DNC convention. Former Presidents (which I was for 8 years, heh heh)get one no-questions-asked favor. Hillary will be available for comment when the Antarctic ice shelf melts enough for her to get out of the neck-deep hole I just used my favor on." Which may be a while, considering her frigid personality should keep it below zero at least until after George W. Bush manages to steal this election, too.