Written by queen mudder
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Topics: China, Pentagon

Friday, 2 May 2008

image for Pentagon glee at new Chinese underground nuclear sub base located on crucial tectonic plate faultline
Hainan Island is the erectile-looking protrusion on the Chinese Eastern Seaboard

Washington AC/DC - (Seismic Mess): The ghost of heroic April 1st 2001 Hainan Island Incident pilot Wang Wei would probably be kicking himself right now...

What started seven years ago as Wei's valiant dogfight with a US spyplane has morphed beyond all Pentagon expectations with today's news that US top brass have succeeded in fooling China into building a covert new underground nuclear submarine base slap bang in the middle of a lethal tectonic plate faultline.

Reports from Washington state that the top secret project, first initiated in 1998, has corralled the Chinese military dictatorship into siting their top secret new facility at Sanya near the tropical island of Hainan.

The strategy began when Pentagon seismographers detected a previously invisible tectonic hotspot showing lethal new earthcrust fissures in the area currently designated to host beauty pageants such as the forthcoming Miss World competition.

A highly complex top secret mission ensued in what became known as the Hainan Island Incident when on April Fools Day 2001 a US Navy EP-3E signals reconnaissance plane 'accidentally' collided with a People's Liberation Army Navy J-8IIM fighter jet piloted by Wang 'Wrong-Way' Wei.

The Chinese Top Gun managed bail out of his damaged craft but was never found despite intensive sea and air rescue operations.

The US reconnaissance plane meanwhile landed on Chinese soil, its sensitive high-tech equipment apparently successfully torched by the surviving pilots.

"This sure blindfolded everyone about our tectonic findings, hehehe," the Pentagon's Head of Satirical Strategy Field Marshall General Prof V Smart commented today.

Apparently the entire strategy was built around the dead-cert bluff that Chinese geeks would be able to rebuild the on-board state-of-the-art US military computers.

Once they had retro-engineered the equipment the Chinese were able to successfully scan 75% of classified US military files.

These included the latest updates in the US's fabled Earthquake War Stratagems - a totally bogus counter-intelligence operation designed to lure the Chjnese into the $250 billion construction of the underground nuclear submarine base at Hainan.

As he celebrated the news with his favorite twelve-inch Bolivar today Smart was clearly delighted at the meticulous planning that has yielded such a fabulous prize.

"Sure am looking forward to that Full Moon on Halloween this year!" Smart chuckled.

"All kinds of unexpected tremors are likely to occur."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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