Written by Dan Bristol

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Saturday, 8 May 2004

image for George W. Bush orders all trees to be burned
Members of the White House Staff burning a forest

Washington - President George W. Bush unveiled a new environmental initiative today that is sure to garner the support of oil companies and Republicans throughout the United States.

The President's new program, called "Burn All the Freakin' Trees", will involve setting fire to over 5 million square kilometers of woodlands per day over the next ten years.

"Trees are known supporters of terrorism," the President told reporters this afternoon. "Plus they take up room that could be used for me to ride my horsie." The President then concluded his unveiling of the new initiative by head-slamming a baby seal.

"Burn All the Freakin' Trees" will operate over the next ten years, thus necessitating President Bush being appointed Dictator for Life of the United States. All trees and people who hug them are ordered to report to the nearest branch of the Department of Homeland Security and Beating People Up for political indoctrination.

In support of the President's new initiative, Republican leaders issued a statement to members of the press saying that "War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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