Kokomo, Indiana - Lovers of Pizza Shed pizza were thrilled today when it was announced that the corporation would be introducing its new "Lard Lovers" pizza sometime in May.
"I loved their stuffed-crust pizza," said Cindy McClure, 42. "I thought that was as good as it got. Then I heard about the Lard Lovers. I couldn't believe it! That's my kind of pizza!"
The new pizza will be made from dough with extra lard, a lard Italian sauce, topped with shredded lard and fresh garden lard. The crust will also be stuffed with stringy lard.
"We decided it was time to just cut to the chase," said William Hill, a spokesperson for Pizza Shed. "Americans were already gorging themselves on extra cheese, crust stuffed with cheese and toppings like bacon and sausage. Might as well go the whole mile."
The new "Lard Lovers" will come with a side of cinnamon lard sticks, at no extra cost.
"We plan on having a 'Fat Kid Friday,'" said Hill. "If your child is under twelve and over one hundred-eighty pounds he or she gets to eat for free. They also get a free Lard Lovers toy."
Hill says the toy would feature Pizza Shed's new mascot Larry the Lard Lump.
"We think kids and irresponsible parents will love it," says Hill.
Hill also says that the public should keep an eye out for the upcoming movie, "Larry the Lard Lump and the Arteries of Clogya."
"Were real excited," says Hill. "Well make a fortu . . . I mean - a lot of people happy."