Bethesda, MD - Republican Presidential Candidate Doctor John Sidney McCain announced his health care plan today.
"Take a 30 minute walk every day," he said, "And you won't have any problems. Watch your diet too. That's it!"
Pundits enthused. "McCain cured his skin cancer with long walks," said Dr. Karl Rove, "We don't need fancy-schmancy oncologists to interfere in nature's processes with their so-called 'treatments'."
Dr. Mitt Romney agreed. "Too many accident victims spend too much time crying for help," he said, "When they should just walk it off. Like Rambo did!"
Some Democrats felt the need to be contrary. "Senator McCain has access to the best health care in the world," said Senate Enabler Harry Reid, "Not only is he a member of the Senate, but he married a beer heiress. He's got over $100 million dollars, for Lord's sake. Of course he's not worried about health care!"
But such voices of negativity had little impact on the media's praise for the McCain Health Plan. "McCain's Health Plan will help all Americans, of all income levels," enthused a Wall Street Journal editorial, "To summarize it: Americans should take a long walk off a short pier."