Written by Walt
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Wednesday, 30 April 2008

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Eureka, the Excalibur of Wands

In a very narrow-ranging news conference Tuesday, Pres. George W. Bu$h stated ". . . if there was a magic wand to wave, I'd be waving it, of course."

Noted columnist, Ziff Nada, guru-viness of pundits, & a wide-ranging reporter of the real news, looked into the statement by the lamest-of-ducks. As far as Mr. Nada can determine, the outbound president has made no effort whatsoever to find a magic wand. In a notable column, Ziff noted that Mr. Bu$h has definitely not made contact with any of the various characters who know anything about magic wands.

Nada & his field team of researchers can guarantee that Gandalf, Saruman, & Mr. Wizard have never been contacted by Bu$h or his staff. Gandalf even said "Bu$h? Never heard of him." Contacts with both Don Juan the Yaqui & Mr. Castaneda made no sense. The magician pointed out that Bu$h henchthugs were building a fence dividing sacred places in the Southwest so El Jefe del Nord would not dare show his face in that region.

Madame Voudon in N'Orlans told Mr. Nada that the only inquiry about magic wands in her area were from a basketball team in Orlanda FL. The SantaRia folks stated that they had not seen Bu$h since the 1970s & he wasn't trying to score a magic wand in those days.

It seems absolutely clear that the President of the United States does not know what he's talking about. He has no clue at all whether there is or is not a magic wand. He's made no effort to find or get one. And he could not possibly comprehend whether or not waving one of them would actually work, least of all in his hand.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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