(Boston Globe) - In an effort to lower gas prices over the summer John McCain has called for a suspension of federal gas taxes from Memorial Day to Labor Day, a simpler tax code, and "…no new Tornado's".
Senator McCain believes that bankrupting the Federal government by lowering gas prices by a couple of dimes per gallon will stimulate the economy, taxes are just "too darn hard" and Al Gore is increasing global warming by illegally using infomercial guru Billy May's Awesome Auger and Power Extender gardening tools to fling deadly Tornado's across America.
In a related story Senator Hillary Clinton blames Bush's failed policies on Domestic Terrorism for allowing Reverend Jeremiah Wrights jaws to keep flapping and causing the Tornado's that hit Virginia recently. At a campaign stop in Indiana she claimed "if it wasn't for all that hot air coming out of that hot head of his; these Tornado's wouldn't have happened".
When asked for comment Senator Barack Obama replied "I somewhat mildly almost denounce the sound bites supposedly made by Reverend Wright as possibly inaccurate because I may or may not have heard them and if I did hear them I didn't remember them…probably".
In a follow up John McCain stated "Tornado's are bad. Can you imagine what they'd do to my wife Cindy Lou's hair? We must not let the Tornado's win. That's why we must build the wall. I propose a wall made of Mighty Putty across America to keep the illegal Tornado's out".