Written by IN SEINE
Print this
Topics: Prison, Obesity

Monday, 28 April 2008

image for Weight loss in US jail concern
The Arkansas Toastie: Only a starter of a 3,000 calories diet. Available in the prison canteen daily. Hot or cold.

Prison authorities are being accused of trying to force prisoners to escape by slimming them down so much that they will be able to squeeze through the bars. The allegations came to light after one prisoner, complained of losing 7 stones while on remand for Murder.

Max Flabb who has spent the last six months wallowing like 'Jabba the Hut' in an Arkansas jail for a crime he did not commit, entered the prison weighing in at a massive 29 stones, (equivalent to 4 Kate Mosses) and has already shed a mighty 7 stone.

Max told In Seine News;

"I am really angry about this and it is a clear abuse of my human rights. I'm waisting away can't you see? If something's not done soon, I'll be a skeleton by the time of my trial - this hole is worse, far worse than Aushwitz!" he said pulling the waistband of his prison issue trousers.

Prison Governer Hiram "Boss" Hogg, said;

"We already feed our inmates over 3,000 calories a day - well over the government recommended daily amount and they have a choice between hot and cold food. We also have superb gymnastic facilities where our guests can reach the peak of physical fitness! Flabb has tried it himself but complains of blurred vision when excercising. Our prison doctor has told us that he is too fat and needs to lose at least 15 stone."

It is expected that a record number of supermodels will deliberately commit crimes in Arkansas, just so they can lose so much weight in a short time.

Make IN SEINE's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 2?

2 6 10 21
52 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more