Washington, DC - "America is not heading for a new Republican Great Depression," said George W Bush today, "We are flying into a glorious Freedom Fiscal Freefall."
"Our exports are strong," he went on, "We've exported more jobs during my term than ever before. This means we can buy more t-shirts from slave labor camps in China, which is good for all Americans because who wants to see old guys like me without a shirt on!"
"As a result of job exports and the falling dollar, the fiscal stimulus of my massive deficits and off-budget spending is freeing up a huge pile of taxpayer money that was being wasted on education, health care and infrastructure. It is naturally enriching our friends in Dubai and Beijing, igniting a rebirth of free spending. This may be a hardship in some small regions, like the Continental United States, but overall it is a benefit for my family and friends."
Experts agreed, "The basis of economic activity is jobs," said economist Karl Rove, "And Job One is putting money into the pockets of the president's backers. They've invested a lot into the American political system, and expect a solid return on their investment."