George W. Bush announced over the weekend that he plans to begin writing his presidential memoirs. In a statement made on Larry King Live, he announced the goal to have these completed by this time next year.
"I'm going to sit right down and right me one of them car-ographies. Now, see, I thought that they was called menopauses, cuz they was stories about the things that made men pause and think in their lives, but Mommy says that they are called mem-wires cuz they have something to do with your memory."
"I'll write this all down when I've got time and am not doing anything, like during cabinet meetings and briefings and stuff. I'll just have to leave my yo-yo and coloring books in the drawer. I do plan on making my own pictures for the book, and some of them might even be connect the dots, if I can get Dick to put in all of the numbers."
"The way I figure it, my authorship ought to make me in more famous. Maybe they'll changigate the rules and let me be President again, or make me U.N. President or something."
When Larry King asked if Bush would be using a ghost writer, he denied it. "I really never met Caspar or any of the other ghosts. I know there's that country song about Ghost Writers in the Sky, but I don't plan on using any of them. Beetlejuice might be fun, but he couldn't shrink my head any more or I might not be able to think as good."
Proceeds from the book should almost be able to buy Barney a new chew toy.