Written by Chuck Barber
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Friday, 7 May 2004

Bob Jones University announced today that the commencement speaker for the 2004 Spring Graduation Ceremony will be Chief Justice William Rehnquist of the United States Supreme Court. A strong defender of the rights of families and the religious, Justice Rehnquist has at times battled the forces of liberalism and corruption single-handedly. Never one to take a day off in the war against secular humanism, Mr. Rehnquist has vigilantly maintained the sluice gate of conservatism against the forces of atheism which have slopped over the dam.

The Graduation Ceremony will be held Friday May 21, 2004 in the Praise Be to Jesus
Cathedral-Gymnasium Complex.

In addition to providing the Commencement address Chief Justice Rehnquist will be awarded the honorary Witch Doctorate of Divine Laws Degree at the conclusion of the service.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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