Written by Carmen
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 19 April 2008

image for POLL: Hillary Leads Obama By 33%

(Washington DC) The latest Gallop poll shows Hillary Clinton taking a substantial lead over Barack Obama in the campaign for the 2008 Democratic Party nomination.

Dick Chung, one of Gallop's brightest Senior Operational Analysts explained "To save costs, we only interviewed three people. In this case, two of them preferred Hillary".

When asked about the validity of the poll results he responded, "We realize that the media and general public take no notice of error margins when reading poll figures, so we figured what the heck, let's save money. Who cares about the error?"

At their AGM, Bill Whaleberger, Chairman and CEO of Gallop Group Holdings Inc, said "Over the past year, we have continued to enhance our efforts to ensure that our polling figures grab headlines". "Our new 'streamlined polling' approach has cut our variable costs by 68%, increased our profits by 23% and our media coverage by 72%". (Note: standard investment disclosures apply).

After the applause died down he continued "As a board, we take our duty to our shareholders seriously." concluding "Is it really our fault that the general public loves sensation and is ignorant of basic statistics?"

I caught up with him after his speech, where he confided "We tried polling just one or two people, but we know from experience that the public trusts our polling results better if the figures don't end in a zero. I mean, if you heard 50% or 100%, you might think they were made up. But 33% sounds like a lot of clever math went into it."

Another Global Exclusive brought to you by Carmen from
Satellite And Telecommunications Independent Reporting Enterprises

Make Carmen's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 4?

5 12 9 8
82 readers are online right now!

Go to top