Washington, DC --
Today, President Bush apologized for the abuse scandal after taking an urgent phone call from famed celebrity apologist, Justin Timberlake. Here is a transcript of the phone conversation.
JT said to Dubya, "Just deny any knowledge of it and say you are really sorry if what happened offended anyone. Then, say you stick by Janet. Oh, I mean Rummy. And go about your business as usual."
Dubya replied, "Yes, but this wasn't just some 'wardrobe malfunction' like the Superbowl. This is the big time."
JT said, "Nah! I've seen worse. Remember when Britney cheated on me. Allegedly." They both laughed.
"Yeah, I remember. Okay, so I'll say sorry and get back to my life. Everyone can blame Rummy. I'll make it look like I stand behind him and then, as soon as I can, I'll distance myself from the situation." Dubya replied.
"Yup. Just lay low. Go back on the campaign trail. Keep apologizing everywhere you go and let people blame someone else. It works every time. Peace out, GB. I gotta go on stage."
"Me too. Just wish I was as confident as you. Peace out, homes. Are we still on for the snowboarding competition in Aspen next weekend?"
"Yup. It'll be a great photo opp. We can both apologize for something else."
"Cool. See you then." Bush said and hung up the phone.