Written by Chuck Barber
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Thursday, 6 May 2004

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Heston Waves Goodbye to Supporters

Noted actor, sportsman and conservative activist Charlton Heston, who has previously announced that he is battling Alzheimer's disease announced during a talk given to the Altedena, California chapter of Young Americans for Guns on 1 May 2004 that he will no longer be able to make speeches due to his illness.

Speaking before over 100 saddened supporters Mr. Heston noted that - "You grow up thinking that everything is going to be easy, that you'll be Moses until you die, that, maybe Peck did get to be Ahab, but so what, he never got to throw the tablets down the side of the hill, did he? I've fed my chickens, I've seen the glory of the coming of the gourd, and run with the bulls at Pamplona, and then, there've been many women, because I was a star, you know. I always told Tippi Hedrin that keeping the lions was a mistake. The birds might have attacked her, but the big cats - HA HA HA - the big cats, they would attack too!"

As Mr. Heston was escorted from the stage he gave one final wave, and said in a voice loud enough for all to hear. "Hi Ho Silver!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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