New York - (Ecclesiastical Bare Ass Mess): It was billed as the night when High School Musical starlet Vanessa Hudgens was to jump out of a birthday cake, strip naked and pole-dance for the Pope's official birthday bash at Manhattan's Clever Clitoris Topless Bar and DeliDiner.
But it ended in disaster with His Holiness Joseph Ratzinger being slung out for lewd behavior with a teenage men's room attendant after a fisticuffs over some dodgy ketamine-laced coke.
The New York correspondent of LA FagHagSlagMag who witnessed the incident says it started as a misunderstanding over snorting etiquette in the gents.
Apparently the pontiff asked for a demonstration in a cubicle and took the attendant's slightly bent-over posture as he chopped a few lines on the top of a cistern as an invitation for the usual shenanigans.
His arthritic-fingered fumblings were met with a pavlovian reaction of a knee in the groin as the men's room attendant swung round and accidentally spilled over $300 dollars of the precious white powders down into the lavatory bowl.
"The rest is hystery," one party-goer commented, "but suffice to say that the rumpus was quickly broken up by the club heavies who slung out the birthday boy out onto the street along with his half-cut minders sitting in the bar."
A video of the event is to be posted on YouStupidTube early this weekend.