A serial killer, responsible for the deaths of at least twelve, was arrested near the offices General Mills Cereal Company outside of Battle Creek, Michigan. The man, identified only as "Jean" is being held without bond while the investigation continues into the tragedy at the food processing plant.
Detective John Garfield of the State Police Department explained they'd been looking for this guy for years. "First, it was Quake and Quisp that disappeared. Then, Booberry went away, but we didn't investigate that we all thought that he was just a ghost. King Vitamin also disappeared. Captain Crunch's little friend that made the crunchberries also just sort of vanished. Dig 'em and Sugar Pop's Pete disappeared almost back to back.
"Last week, all of the bodies were discovered. We followed our noses, and that of the famous Toucan Sam, to find the grave. It wasn't a snap, crackle, or pop to find this and took a lot of work.
"We were looking at Pebbles as being a victim of a lesbian shooting, as she was sort of fruity, but have tied that into these killings as she was buried in the same mass grave.
"The man responsible is the famous arch enemy of Captain Crunch. I guess he just wanted his own foot smelling breakfast food or something.
"We've decided that we need to change the terminology and call this a Cereal Killing.
"I want to thank all of the people who helped us solve this and tell them all that They're GREAT!!!"