Washington D.C. - Washington's toughest pundits were shocked to discover that they had run out of scandals to report on breathlessly.
"We thought this would go on forever," sobbed George Will, "But we're reduced to reporting on the second Mrs. McCain's theft of recipes for her web page."
"The Democrats are to blame," explained Bill O'Reilly, "We've investigated Obama's pastor. We've investigated his kindergarten. We've even tracked down his grandmother, but she won't talk. Why isn't his great-grandparents available to give us one more scandal? Can we make something out of that?"
Hope flared briefly when Hillary Clinton was seen doing shooters at a Pennsylvania bar. However, she held her liquor and Vomitgate disappeared after only an hour of speculation on Fox News.
"With no scandals to report," agonized Sean Hannity, "What will we report on? Global Warming? Insane budget deficits? Death in Iraq? Those are all such bummers, they aren't really news!"