Washington -- Doctors at Bethesda Hospital gave the President a CAT scan today and made a discovery that puts the activities of the Bush Administration into stark and horrific focus.
Preliminary scans conducted by Bethesda's resident cerebral specialist, Dr. Jane Honkey, reveal that, for an indeterminate number of years, the President has been pounding nails into his own head in an effort to, as he described it to Spoof reporters, "Keep THEM from getting in!"
"We almost never see this bizarre phenomenon," said Dr. Honkey. "However, when you consider the events of the past four years, it makes perfect sense." Dr. Honkey then shook her head and administered an enema to Colin Powell.
The President, when asked why he has continually pounded nails into his own head, responded, "they get you. They get inside and they get you."
Although it is unclear exactly who "they" are, it is theorized that the President could be referring to anything from WMDs to Al-Qaeda to the cast of Friends.