Written by Wire Piddle
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Topics: Cats, Military

Monday, 14 April 2008

image for Persian Cat To Be Given Full Military Burial
Sarah, The 14 Year Old Persian Cat

In an effort to appease the homeowner of a cat killed by an errant artillery shell near a testing range in Rockaway Township, New Jersey, the United States Army has agreed to fulfil the wishes of cat owner Cheryl Angle. The cat, Sarah, will be buried this weekend in a full military burial at Arlington National Cemetery, Virginia. The prudent move will also stave off a wrongful death lawsuit against the government.

The Army suspended outdoor waepons testing as a result of last week's accident. The artillery shell had left the range of it's own accord, given the velocity and ill-calculated projection, crashing into a house and landing on the bed of the homeowner's daughter. The cat had just set itself down for an afternoon's kip; attracted by the sunlight of a warm spring day dancing through the bedroom window.

Meanwhile, a group of Vietnam Swift Boat veterans, the same group that many claim were responsible for the defeat of former Presidential hopeful John Kerry, have launched an appeal to thwart the effort. Their representatives are against the burial on the grounds that the cat was a Persian.

Although there is no official word as to what might have caused the mishap, some sources within the lower ranks of the base have claimed that they were testing a new GPS system which included a computerized voice of the actor, John Cleese.

Picatinny base is the site of the Armament Research, Development and Engineering Center.

If all goes as planned, Sarah will be the first civilian cat buried at the United States national military cemetery, or at least officially. Some may have snuck in with their owners in sealed caskets.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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