Washington AC/DC - (Sermon on the Mount Mess): The Greek Orthodox Melkite Eparch of Roslindale, Massachusetts has delivered a stark reminder to President George W Bush as he prepares for a private confession with the Pope next Sunday.
"Traditionally the fourth Sunday after Easter is known in the Church as the Sunday of the Paralytic," Archbishop Dave Papadopulos said today in an interview with the ecclesiastical editor of LA FagHagSlagMag.
"This year that Sunday is the day Mr Bush has chosen for a private Papal audience, confession and ritual atonement for sins by hair shirt and scourge," His Eminence continued.
"Now, Lord knows we godfearin' American taxpayers have trusted the President when he's spoken about a life of abstinence from the demon drink, the satanic weed, the demonic nasal indulgences from that organic Bogota ranch of his and from the Taleban's deathly poppy juice powders.
"So we'll be watching Mr Bush very carefully as he and Pope Ratzinger enact that Sunday of the Paralytic rite with the 2005 vintage Napa Valley Communion Wine."
Eparch Papadopulous has warned before that the Biblical texts relating to Sunday 20 April 2008 are apocalyptic with regards to the Papal state visit.
"I wrote to Mr Bush earlier this year quoting from Holy Scripture," Papadopulos explained.
"And I quote: 'Before healing the paralytic, the Lord asked him:' "Do you want to be healed or do you want to stay in orifice?"
"Kinda sums it all up, I reckon."