Reuters - Goldie "The Giant" Goldfish was found dead this morning floating on his side in his 3 story penthouse fish bowl. A 911 call was received at 6:20AM by an anonymous source saying only "The Giant is down".
Goldie, who's real name was Saul Goldbloom aka "Saul the Saw" aka "Go-Boom Goldbloom" was a known mob boss for the fish underworld. In recent weeks, the mysterious disappearance of Highliner's frozen sea food CEO had been tied to Goldbloom and his organization. Although the body has not yet been found, all leads point to Goldbloom's mob known as "The School of Hard Lochs". Rumors continue to flow upstream that Goldie's right hand man, Mike "The Ice-Pick" Pike, a convicted felon and known assassin is directly behind this mystery.
In a shocking revelation, Goldie will be succeeded by his second eldest son Abe Goldbloom aka "The Vigoda Mangler". His estranged eldest son Charles Goldbloom was not considered. Sorry Charlie.
In an emotional farewell attended by all the heads of the fish underworld, Goldie was flushed down a 24 carat commode where he will find his final resting place sleeping with the fishes.