Washington AC/DC - (Sordid Ass Mess): Pentagon crisis management wonks are pleading for a significant increase in subliminal valium in the White House's air con system as George W Bush prepares to meet with Pope Joseph Ratzinger and Prime Monster Gorgon Brown next weekend.
Top of the agenda is a threatened strike by NATO spooks, anti-terror cops and security/intelligence chiefs over continued gagging of 9/11 cover-ups.
The crisis has been sparked by lurid polygamist nutter Warren Jeffs who is threatening to out ex-Sordid Arabia ambassador to the US as his chief financial backer in the Yearn For Zion fundamentalist brothel raided by the Feds ten days ago.
Jeffs also claims he will release original Vatican film footage of George W Bush and John McCain at the Dallas grassy knoll on 22 November 1963 just minutes before the JFK presidential motorcade swept by.
His attorneys are said to have hidden DNA tests proving Ratzinger is his biological dad in a Los Angeles bank vault along with paternal instructions to prophesy to the godless.
Just to make matters a bit more interesting there are also suspicions some of Jeffs' estimated 2,000 children may have 'engaged in unnatural acts' with George W Bush when he was Governor of Texarse.
"This will be make or break weekend for organised crime as we know it," a top CIA source added thoughtfully.