Beverly Hills, Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Paris Hilton has offered her services to the young girls that were recently freed from the Yearn For Zion polygamy nutters' brothel.
The 27 year-old peroxide bimbette has asked to fly on a UN goodwill ambassadorship visit to Eldorado, Texas and minister to some of the adolescents.
The former DUI jailbird, cocaine aficionado and internet video porn diva says that her iconic feminist status has a truly healing quality.
"This could help initiate, er..restore the youngsters to, er...you know, western California standards of normality.
"I'd like to take them to Rodeo Drive for a morning getting their hair, nails and brazilians done," Hilton explained.
"Then I'd take them shopping for some proper Agent Provocateur lingerie, Manolo Blahnik heels, Diesel leather jeans maybe, a few Dolce & Gabbana skimpy party dresses, handbags - you know, all the usual stuff that makes us girls the women we are," Hilton said.
"Finally we could end up at my friend Samantha's house and get these babes a hit of the local weed.
"Can ya imagine? Thirteen, even fourteen years of age and never, ever had a hit of the real smoke?
"Shit, I guess if they've never even heard of Tampax they're unlikely to know about having a spliff..."
Warren Jeffs is in the slammer.