North Pole - A small but militant band of transgender Elves have taken over Santa's Workshop up at the North Pole. They are working overtime in to help indoctrinate your children with their skewed value system instead of yours. They have come up with a most ingenious subtle way to promote wider acceptance of the transgendered community everywhere: "Thomas the Transgender Train' to help your child choo-choo choose a gender."
"We take the issue of gender reorientation very seriously up here at the North Pole," said the spokesmen for Santa's Elves. "You may not know realize it, but a number of Elves have been forced to undergo the gender altering procedure."
According to Santa, gender reassignment operations are conducted rather routinely by the Elves on each other. Not out of necessity, but out of sheer boredom.
"Man. Oh man, you have no idea how boring it gets up here after Christmas," said Smiley, an Elf that has personally had his gender reassigned dozens of times. "I was going out of my [censored] mind man. Sometimes, I thought I wouldn't be able to make it to the next Christmas, if I couldn't be a chick."
Smiley says that since he discovered the joy of gender reassignment, he cannot wait to become a female Elf each year and spend the off-season alone for some serious downtime discovering his feminine side.
"Oh man, it's a slice of Heaven," said Smiley. "I just got into Yoga this year. Oh man, I can't tell you the moves I've discovered, and the sense of self-satisfaction I get in reaching out to touch my softer side."
It is due to that sensitivity that the Elves have for the plight of transgendered peoples that they overwhelmingly voted, even managing to somehow to get a majority of votes to override Santa's veto, to create the new gender reassignment train.
"Parents shouldn't feel threatened by the 'Thomas the Transgender Train," said Smiley, during a long distance transatlantic phone call. "It's not going to change your child's sex. That would be ridicules. Not to mention cost ineffective. No. What it does is change your child's mind about sex, allowing them to explore for themselves the hidden and widely misunderstood subculture of transsexual sexuality."
Smiley says that "Thomas the Transgender Train" works by pulling into train station a boy and pulling out a girl. It is as simple as that. Just like a real gender reassignment, except without the surgery, psychotropic drugs and massive doses of testosterone for a lifetime.
"The beauty of it is, is that your child learns to be tolerant of the plight and concerns facing either gender and at the same time if they'd like," said Smiley. "But more importantly, they learn that either gender enjoys blowing their whistle when going through a tunnel."
Smiley and the other transgender Elves hope parents everywhere will keep an open mind this coming Christmas season and give the new "Thomas the Transgender Train" chance to supplant and undermined their Judeo-Christian values right in front of their own eyes.