Written by Monkey Woods

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Topics: Golf, PGA

Tuesday, 8 April 2008

image for Augusta Masters Latest: US PGA To Sue Single Mother Over Unauthorised Use Of Name
The pin at the 16th is obscured by the tart with the pram

The US PGA has reacted angrily to the actions of a single mother and her "unauthorised use" of the name of its most prestigious golfing event, the Augusta Masters.

Cynthia Masters, an 18-year-old prostitute from Camelot, Utah, gave birth to her third daughter last Friday, and, with the richest tournament in the golfing calendar looming large, decided to give her latest addition a name fans would never forget.

Augusta Masters, the bright-eyed bundle of joy in question, weighed in at 6lb 4oz, and took only 24 hours to start annoying the authorities - just like her mother.

When officials at the PGA heard of her plans to name her daughter after the Masters, they immediately consulted lawyers, who issued a writ against Cynthia late on Saturday.

A spokesman for the US PGA, Frank Dick, said:

"Golf does not want its image tarnished by being associated with the lower classes in this way. This woman must change the name of her child to something more appropriate, like Alphonse or Jay-Z."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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