Written by Zander Kaufman
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Sunday, 3 April 2005

Today while addressing his Television flock of millions. The Reverend Jerry Falwell posed the question: Do Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, turn people Gay? This analogy comes three year's after he stated on his television program that "Tinky Winkey" the purple Teletubbie from the popular children's program Teletubbie‘s, was no doubt a Flaming closet Homosexual.

"My brothers and sisters, every day men and women, young and old flock to these places in search of what they think is cream filled goodness" Falwell went of for another twenty minuets with his rant. He attempted to make the connection "Satan is behind this one, just look were they do there business" pointing out the world headquarters of Krispy Kreme being based out of Salem, Massachusetts.

"These are the same ACLU loving, notebook carrying, liberals. These people flock by the thousands every day their local Krispy Kreme establishments, and the number is growing" he went on to say "if the church doesn't do something soon to curb this, God will inflict another terrorist attack on America".

It was Falwell that stated immediately following the attacks of September 11 that it was America's fault and God unleashed his wrath, for not falling on it's knees, and by allowing Gay's, Abortion doctors, Liberal's to run free unpunished.

"We need strict regulation, we can't let the these pastry shop's spread perverse and subversive slogans on the minds of this (Christian Nation) It's simple Cream filled doughnut's, Liberals wino's and Satan Do the math People!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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