Written by Cliphy
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Topics: Radio, college

Tuesday, 4 May 2004

A ex-college friend with connections at the NSA sent this in. It might be the actual, original script of Bush's tasteless "comedy" performance at the annual Radio and Television News Correspondents Association dinner. In the video aired for the event, Bush pretends to be looking for missing WMD's in his office.

But if you think the final script that was performed for the dinner was insulting, disgusting and idiotic, check out this disgusting little sketch. Good thing Karl Rove edited it down…

THE ONGOING SEARCH FOR WMD's - A FUNNY SKETCH IDEA!
By A Recently Ex-White House Staffer

VIDEO FADE IN:

SCENES OF POTUS SEARCHING THE OVAL OFFICE FOR SOMETHING. LIFTING UP CHAIRS, LOOKING UNDER FURNITURE, ETC. HE IS ASSISTED BY KARL ROVE, DICK CHENEY AND SEVERAL U.S. MARINES.

POTUS:
Not here...not here...

MARINE:
Here's an old form from the Alabama National Guard, it was in between the couch cushions.

ROVE:
I'll take that.

POTUS:
I know they're here somewhere, dammit!

CHENEY:
Um, Mr. President?

HE KEEPS LOOKING, AND THEN ACCIDENTALLY DROPS A CHAIR LEG ON A MARINE'S FOOT.

MARINE:
Ouch!

CHENEY:
Shouldn't have been standing there, soldier.

MARINE:
(grimacing) Sorry, sir.

POTUS THEN ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKS OVER A LARGE BUST OF WASHINGTON, AND IT FALLS ON ANOTHER MARINE'S HEAD, KILLING HIM.

ROVE:
So hard to get good help these days.

CHENEY:
Him or them? (they laugh)

ROVE:
Let's mark it down to collateral damage. (they chuckle)

TWO MARINES HELP POTUS BY LIFTING UP A LARGE HALOGEN LAMP, WHICH HE LOOKS UNDER. POTUS STANDS UP, HITS HIS HEAD ON THE LAMP AND IT EXPLODES, BLINDING THE MARINES.

MARINES:
Aaargh!!

ROVE:
Are you ok, Mr. President?

POTUS:
(oblivious to the screaming Marines) Sure, why do you ask?

FINALLY, POTUS WANTS TO LOOK UNDER HIS DESK.

POTUS:
We're getting a little short-handed here. Karl, Dick can you help?

CHENEY AND ROVE HELP TO LIFT UP ONE END OF THE HUGE PRESIDENTIAL DESK AS THE FINAL TWO MARINES CRAWL UNDERNEATH, LOOKING.

MARINE 1:
Just some old pretzels under here.

MARINE 2:
Nope, nothing here.

IMMEDIATELY, CHENEY AND ROVE DROP THE DESK, CRUSHING THE MARINES. THEIR LEGS STICK OUT FROM UNDER THE DESK, TWITCHING, THOUGH NO ONE SEEMS TO NOTICE.

POTUS:
(scratches his head) Well, no one can say we didn't try!

CHENEY AND ROVE LOOK AT EACH OTHER KNOWINGLY.

CHENEY:
Um, Mr. President…

ROVE:
Boss, they were never here.

POTUS:
Huh?

CHENEY:
It was just an excuse.

POTUS:
You mean, like a little joke, a Yalie-like prank?

CHENEY AND ROVE:
…Riiiight!

THEY ALL SHARE A LAUGH, OBLIVIOUS TO THE PAIN AND DEATH SURROUNDING THEM.

ROVE:
Hey, maybe the WMDs are in Kerry's old FBI files!

BUSH walks over to a mirror and ACTS startled by what he sees there.

BUSH:
Hey!

CHENEY:
What is it, sir?

BUSH:
(looking in mirror)
A weapon of mass destruction -- I found one!

THEY ALL LAUGH AGAIN.

ODDLY, NOT ONE PERSON HAS MENTIONED THAT BUSH HAS BEEN NAKED THE ENTIRE TIME.

FADE OUT (HOPEFULLY)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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