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Monday, 31 March 2008

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Pure Genius

(Philadelphia PA) Paris Hilton recently gave a lecture at the University of Pennsylvania at Annenburg Hall on her two favorite authors: Charles Dickens and Fyodor Dostoevsky. Ms. Hilton's genius ranks with Newton, Pascal and Einstein. Her I.Q. is estimated to be 800.

Not many people know Ms. Hilton obtained a Doctorate of Literature Degree from Oxford in 1992 when she was eleven. She is also fluent in Russian and an honorary citizen of Saint Petersburg for her remarkable analysis of 19th Century Russian Literature. She was also named a Dame by Queen Eliabeth for her astonishing scholarship and papers on Dickens. Some highlights of the lecture at Annenburg Hall follow:

"Hello everybody! I want to say first that I adore Charles Dickens! I read all his novels by the time I was three. My childhood was very Dickensian in a Hollywood sort of way. We only had three hot tubs in the mansion and that meant sharing with my younger sister at times. 'David Copperfield' mirrors my own rough life, and I know it's also helped to make me a better person."

Ms. Hilton brushed aside tears when she discussed 'The Brothers Karamazov' by Dostoevsky. "Who hasn't wept while reading this grand novel!" she asked rhetorically. Ms. Hilton taught herself Russian in Kindergarten and read the original work in Russian at age four.

She left the podium early to catch a plane to Pakistan. "I"m going on a dig at Mohenjo-daro. I have some ideas about translating their language!" The University of Pennsylvania was proud to present her with an honorary Doctorate in Anthropology before she left.

Ms. Hilton will also be operating the Large Hadron Collider later in the year with Dr. Stephen Hawking. She hopes to gave the Grand Unified Theory by next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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