Written by ZiaUl-Hack
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Topics: New York, Building

Monday, 3 May 2004

image for Visitors, Locals Perplexed By Tall, Monolithic "Mystery Building" In Manhattan
Elmo With Ghanian Man Of Mystery

(New York, New York) A vast edifice on Manhattan's East Side, occupying an enormous, park-like lot that covers several blocks of what would otherwise be prime Manhattan riverfront real estate, has long mystified visitors and locals alike.

The towering, impersonal structure is situated at the eastern end of 44th Street, between First Avenue and the East River.

Local real estate broker Phyllis Keefe, who has lived nearby for 30 years, said, "It's not residential space, because you never see a listing on multiple, and it's not rented out commercially, either. Perhaps it's some sort of government building."

Taxi driver Zulfiqar Bhatt speculated that the building houses people who speak many different languages. "Fares I pick up there, mens speak Pashto, Urdu, Punjabi, Gujarat. Even Malayalam. Maybe translating place, or new garment center."

A check of city records reveals that the space is ostensibly occupied by an entity known as the "United Nations". However, when the existence of this organization was even suggested to New Yorkers, most responded either with hoots of derision or uncontrollable laughter. One New Yorker, attorney Ted Feigenbaum, suggested that interested parties "should ask "Rwanda and Bosnia about the United Nations."

A Nexus check reveals that a "United Nations" was indeed founded in 1945, in San Francisco, California. The alleged organization was to be guided by a charter which specified at the outset that the aims of this 'United Nations' were "(t)o maintain international peace and security, and to that end: to take effective collective measures for the prevention and removal of threats to the peace, and for the suppression of acts of aggression or other breaches of the peace..."

Advised of the contents of this "charter", Rwandan and Bosnian sources thereafter confirmed that in all likelihood the "United Nations" does not in fact exist, and probably has not existed for many years.

The mystery only deepens.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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