(Philadelphia PA) Millions of Americans perished in flames during Earth Hour. The hour was meant to get people to conserve energy and fuel but it only led to an agonizing death for 299 million people across the country.
Americans were foolish enough to light candles, torches, dollar bills, foreclosed houses, etcetera to repel the unfamiliar darkness. No one informed the ignorant citizenry that fires are hot and can kill.
No fire department responded to any emergency during the Earth Hour; it was thought more important to save fuel.
The horrific flames were visible from space. "You could see each section of the country go up in flames depending on the time zone. It was very dramtic and pretty. Too bad we didn't have any marshmallows with us." said Yogi Smoagie aboard the International Space Station.
Greenpeace volunteer Cathy Dummlap was philosophic about the whole thing: "Yes, so many died, but a polar bear cub recently drowned because of global warming. Greenpeace is very sorry about the cub. We are looking forward to the next Earth Hour and hope it's just as successful!"