In shocking breaking news, plastic water bottles have been officially banned.
Aside from reports of wild birds in the mid pacific choking on the plastic, it seems that particularly stupid children have also been attempting to swallow them.
Parents are being urged to keep their children away from any water bottles, and to throw them away at the earliest convenience.
Some bottles have also been found to contain high levels of lead.
Plastic bottles are set to be replaced with fragile glass bottles, which are obviously safer. New bottles will hit stores next week, until then continue to drink your water from the swampy lakes.