Written by kungfuiceskater
Print this
Topics: George W. Bush, memo

Sunday, 2 May 2004

A rogue FBI field agent today told writer KungFu IceSkater that he had illegally obtained copies of George W. Bush's new personal dictionary of common phrases. Excerpts from the dictionary follow. "I George W. Bush, do declare the following definitions:"

U.N. Weapons Inspector: A chronic addict who thinks his Nobel Prize and 500 patents in explosive physics mean jack to me. Last time I checked, I was President.

"Irrelevant chronic addict": My view of Kofi Annan and those United Nations, happy-go-lucky, jokers. U--S--A!!! U--S--A!!! U--S--A!!!!

"War is over": A covert term used to order the commencement of full scale war activities. Synonymous with "Let's nuke those desert chronic addicts. Yahoooo! lets kick some butt Texas rodeo style!!!!"

Opium: Desert chronic. My favorite product to come out of Afghanistan in 100 years. Suggested use: "Laura, bring me some desert chronic, will you honey."………..."Did you say no, I'm the President, do as your told. You must be smoking chronic."

Liberate: The most feared word in the Arab dictionary. The use of nuclear force, preferably killing thousands of innocent people, in order to capture single individuals hiding in holes (and then promptly checking them for fleas). I don't know why, but the word "liberate" causes Arabs to burst into compulsive seizures and recurring fits of insanity. Suggested use: "You little chronic addict, if you don't vote against that damn U.N. resolution, I'll liberate your country!!!!!"

Hearts and minds mission: The practice of alienating foreigners' hearts and frying their minds with 2000 pound bombs, while displaying five year old video tape of jubilating foreigners who have just won $500 from the local street casino. How do you like me now chronic addict?

Halliburton: A 401K luxury retirement plan for top Republican Party members. Complaining about Halliburton makes you a chronic addict, because you can't do jack about it.

Attorney General: A fine, upstanding individual, whose unclear association with the Ku Klux Klan makes him first choice in fighting similarly clothed chronic addicts in the desert. (The author mysteriously disappeared after writing this definition; whereabouts unknown. Our best guess: He's locked up and won't be released or charged for three years, after all we're at war!! ).

Make kungfuiceskater's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 4?

1 19 2 4
38 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more