Written by NickFun
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Topics: Sex, eliot spitzer

Monday, 24 March 2008

image for New N.Y. Governor Patterson had less sex than previously reported
This woman, who asked to remain anonymous, claims she never had actual sex with Patterson

Previous press reports indicating that newly install New York governor David Patterson has had sex over 2,000 times without the company of his wife have proven to be without basis. He actually had far less sex than has been widely publicized in the news media.

Previous reports were not limited to the penis entering the vagina and included oral sex such as fellatio and cunnilingus. On some occasions even simply "hand jobs" were included in the "sex" category. As previous politicians and political candidates have strongly pointed out, any sex that does not involve the penis entering the vagina should not be regarded as sex but rather as just being "playful".

"I only had sex 1,173 times outside of marriage", the governor stated. "The other times were just cuddling, hand holding and the occasional blow or hand job".

Governor Patterson said that unlike his predecessor he never paid for sex. Rather, sex was given to him freely by friends, aids, associates and well-wishers.

"Not that there's anything wrong with paying for it", Patterson added. "I just don't need to".

Patterson later said that he will introduce legislation that will legalize prostitution in NY and, perhaps, enable his friend and former boss Eliot Spitzer to find a job -- somewhere.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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