Calling it her "Coronation Ceremony," Hillary Clinton has announced preliminary plans for her Inaugural Ball after her self-expected election to the White House in the U.S. Presidential race. In an "It's My Party" attitude prevalent mostly in pre-wedding brides, the former first lady dictated arrangements for her "special day."
When told that no crown jewels would be available as the United States had none, Hillary told a member of the Joint Chiefs to "threaten to nuke some insignificant European country if they don't give me theirs."
Following is a list that she gave the catering firm of Ross, Ross, Ross and Chow.
- I will not have cocktail weinies at my party as the name sounds too sexist.
- All of the servers will be buff males dressed in nothing but Speedos; this ought to get me even with Bill for those Hooters girls at his second inauguration,
- No woman will be permitted to show more cleavage than me, so all those Senators will have to leave their trophy wives at home.
- If Bill Richardson tries to show up, put his Mexican ass in the kitchen where it belongs for endorsing Obama.
- Send out color swatches to all of the members of Congress and the Supreme Court so everyone matches my colors.
- Put "first spouse" Bill in a girdle and say it's an executive order. He made me wear one.
- No seafood allowed. I don't want that smell anywhere near me. I don't want the people to even think about pussy until they know this country's been screwed.
- Make sure you screw the centerpieces down tight or else the wives of those junior members of the House will try to steal them.
- I want Monica Lewinsky on a platter with an apple in her mouth.
- Make sure to have a coloring book available in case President Bush shows up.
When reminded that she was running second in her own party and might not secure the nomination, much less the election, Hillary ordered her Secret Service Security Detail to shoot the questioning reporter in the kneecaps. Needless to say, there were no other questions at that press conference.